It is hard to believe that Mahanaim Adventures is now 1 years old. It seems like just yesterday that God laid on mine and Diane’s heart to start this business. There has been lots of working hard to get everything in place and learning the ropes of what to do and not to do. There were lots of things that I knew that had to be done like, purchasing of gear, buying liability insurance, building a trailer and exploring new places to go kayaking (I liked this part best). But there was so much more to learn than I had expected. It has been fun and a challenging year in so many ways. This year we have experienced firsthand how God has used family members and friends encourage us. Go provided so many things that we never expected. Diane and I want to say a big thank you to all of you who have been there for us and walked with is in the challenging and yet rewarding first year.
One of the most common questions I get when taking people on their adventures, is “what does Mahanaim mean, how did you choose that name”? I like to tell this story for several reasons, mainly because it give me a chance to share more about myself and about my faith in the awesome God that I have.
To start with, I believed that God created each of use and given us specific gifts and talent. I also believe that He gave us those talents so that we can live a life full of adventure; honoring Him with the life He created. I believe we all too often never use these gifts at all and when we do, we use them in ways that is not really honoring of God. For me, this past year had been about me learning to live the life I was designed to live. To live it before a loving God who takes great pleasure showing me how to live. You know, kind of pleasure a loving father showing his son how to ride a two wheeled bike for the first time.
Just recently I have come to discover that I am a lot like Jacob in the Bible. Jacob was always taking the talent God had given him and used them for his purposes. Working and trying hard to find ways to get ahead and trying to get the things he wanted. Trying to get the things the things God promised in his own way. Yet God still loved him very much and still lead him in all his stubborn ways. Then oneday while Jacob was on his way back to Canaan, he came across some of God angles in the desert and decided “this is the camp of God!”, so he named the place Mahanaim. Later that same night Jacob wrestles with God.
Mahanaim, God’s campground, what a perfect name for our business. The name seemed to be a place where Jacob recognized God to be at and he stayed there for the night. On that journey Jacob had some big concern facing him, bigger than he could deal with. What was going to happen when he met his brother? Would he want to kill Jacob and his family? This may not be the “what if” questions you face, but we all face the “what if” questions all the time. There that night Jacob turned to God. What a night of wrestling with God that was; life changing to say the least.
For Diane and I, this has been a life changing year. One where we are learning how to take what God has given us and letting Him guide and provide for us. It has been a year of wrestling with God ourselves, learning that He is there even when it don’t seem like He is. This has been a year of learning that just because we can’t see how things are going to work out, this don’t mean that God can’t do what He promises. We have learned that God is limited by what I don’t understand, I just limit Him by my faith. Trust me, He has shown us time and time again this year that he is not limited by my short sightedness.
So just like Jacob, we are wrestling with God and learning to trust Him with things that we don’t understand and can’t even begin to figure out. Yet the adventure with God this past year has been one that we would not dream of trading for anything. Life is an adventure and we are learning that life lived by God’s design is even more of a grand adventure than we could have imagined.
So the business name, Mahanaim Adventures reflect more than a business, but what God can do in a person’s life when allowed. How about you, where do you need to wrestle with God a bit?
Recently, I have become keenly aware of a concern some parents have with outdoor adventures with younger children. To me, when I talk to parents (especially moms) about our kayaking adventures, I am hearing a mixture of apprehension, yet a desire to do something special and adventurous with their kids. To be honest, this is something new to me and to be honest somewhat concerning. Concerning because I believe kids are in need of adventure. Maybe it is just me, but at times I believe some parents are being overly protective of their children. This is not totally a bad thing, but when kids grow up afraid of venturing out into the wilderness on an adventure, something is wrong.
I’ll go ahead and admit it, as parents of three of the most amazing kids a mom and dad could ever have, my wife and I have been protective of them. This protectiveness has been from the worldly prospective and the bad things this world offers. Let’s face it, there is a lot of bad in this world that we need to protect our kids from. If you are a parent, you know what I am talking about. Diane (my beautiful wife of 28 years) have provided our kids with a loving and secure home, an awesome church to attend that supports our belief in God and kept them involved in positive activities such as organized sports, Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts. But that is not all. Our kids have been introduced to wilderness adventures from a early age. I also believe that these experiences have shaped them into who they are today.
But I am amazed at the number of families who never attempt a grand outdoor adventure of any kind. You know a weekend camping trip, a kayaking adventure through a beautiful swamp or a day long hike to some remote mountain lake. To me, a great outdoor adventure is something that every family and young child needs to experience in their life. Why? Kids are naturally curious and like exploring. These experiences help them to learn to deal with the unknown, but grow in confidence in who God created them to be.
Are we there yet?
Camping, hiking and adventure was one thing that Diane and I enjoyed while we were dating and even after we were married. So when our kids started coming along, our adventures naturally began to include them. Yes, we had to make special accommodations for them, our oldest daughter, Hillary was only 3 month old when she went camping for the first time. I remember that first time camping trip, she was with us. It was Fathers Day weekend and off we went into the mountains of North Georgia, to camp in one of the many wildlife management areas. On this adventure there were three other families joining us, enjoying the weekend of rain, mud, cool North Georgia Mountains mist, fellowship and adventure. One of our fiends with us was 6 months pregnant. Once we got to camp, her husband said that he thought that she was going to have the baby on the road driving in because of all the bouncing over rocks we did getting to camp.
Our family has many other stories about our time spent in the wilderness camping, hiking or even kayaking together. I realized just how important these times were to my family two years ago when my son-in-law, Josh started coming around to date Hillary. Josh was bold enough to come camping with us the first Thanksgiving he was dating Hillary. We spent the holiday at Carolina Beach State Park, eating a traditional Thanksgiving Dinner, all cooked over the fire and sharing stories with Josh about all our adventures together. But was so amazing to me was to hear my children talking about that these camping adventures with so much excitement and enthusiasm. It was so cool to see our children regal Josh with their stories and the joy of re-living all those times that we had shared together. For Diane and I, this was one of those moments that we will cherish for a long time. What parent would not want to share something like that someday with their children?
I understand that everybody has the knowhow or even equipment to properly and safely do there own outdoor adventure with their children. There may even be some fear about the unknown involved. Questions about bugs or animals, what to do if you get lost, or a storm should come up on you. Maybe questions about how do we stay warm if it turns off really cold. These questions can go on. I get questions like this when I take people on kayaking adventures; what happen if I fall out of the kayak, or will a snake fall out of the tree on me? These are natural fears that people have, and from time to time, I even have some fear about something of my own that I don’t know about. But over the years of adventuring in the great outdoors, I have learned that if I use my God given senses and have the proper equipment to support me, I will be ok. Yes, I get caught in a storm every now and then and I get wet, real wet. Yes, I have been lost in the woods before, but I used the knowledge I learned in Boy Scout to find my way.
Father and daughter making their way through some trees on Holly Shelter Creek.
What I am saying is don’t let your fear of the unknown keep you from having an adventure of a life time with your kids. There are many resources to learn about how to camp or kayak. If you are not sure what to do or where to go, chose a guide service like Mahanaim Adventures to provide the knowhow and equipment for a first time adventure with your family. Its great fun and I promise you this; you will be making a family memory that will last for a long time. Who knows, you may learn more about yourself in the process.
As I sit down and begin to write this blog about my recent experience taking a group of soldiers from the Wounded Warrior Project kayaking; there are many things going through my mind. The first though that goes through my mind is an extreme gratefulness that I feel for these young men and women that serve in our military. The sacrifices that they make each day to serve are more than what I think most of us not military members realize. I am reminded of when I got a firsthand glimpse of this gratitude, when my son-in-law was deployed in Afghanistan for 11 months. My oldest daughter is married to a Marine and she stayed with us during the time he was deployed. I would watch her stop dead in her tracks, listening to the evening news about another US Marine being killed in combat. She never said anything, but you could see it in her eyes, “what if it was Josh?” The sacrifices these men and women make for our freedom is untold, and not just them, but those that they love.
So I want to say a huge “Thank You!” to each of these guys who went with me and all the others who have served. Also, a big thank you to Josh Coalson, my son-in-law, who is a Corporal in the US Marines.
This day began at 11:00 AM, when a large white van from Fort Bragg pulled into the parking lot at Gordon Lewis Wildlife River Launch. All of a sudden a group of men and one woman piled out of the van. They were full of energy and excited about not having to do some sort of training the rest of the guys were doing back a base. I also heard some good rock-in-roll music pouring out of the van. I remember thinking at that time; this was going to be a fun trip.
After a few minutes of instruction and prepping the kayaks for the guys and we were off on Town Creek / Rice Creek for our adventure. It did take long before these guys were splashing each other or challenging someone to a kayak race. This is one of the great pleasures I have co-owning Mahanaim Adventures with my wife, watching people having fun in a wilderness setting. To see these guys relax and have fun was rewarding. Soon, I rounded one of the bends in the river to find several of the solders bouncing on a submerged log in the middle of the creek. I could only wonder what the family on the pontoon boat was thinking when they went by. The mother on the boat asked me as they went by, if they knew there were alligators in the area. I told her yes, and that some of them wanted to wrestle one of those gators. I think I even heard one of them bet another that they could win in the wrestling match.
Soon we came to our lunch spot. Today we were stopping over at one of the three Cape Fear River Watch camps on Town Creek. As soon as we were there, the guys were out swimming in the creek have the time of their lives. One of the guys, was floating around in the creek, slowly bringing in his kayak to shore. This was just what some of the other guys needed. Out they swam and swamped his kayak. It was great to see them trying to climb back into the kayak. Now, if there was only a tire swing over the river! That is the only thing missing to make this moment more fun.
Soon we were finished eating lunch and back on the creek headed back to the launch area. I hung back and started talking to the Army Chaplin who was responsible for the spiritual care of these men. Jeff is a man with a passion for God and the men he has been entrusted to care for in some difficult situations. Jeff told me about their last deployment and the extreme difficult situation they were in. After listening to Jeff, I came to understand more about what a “Wounded Warrior” was. It must extremely difficult to see so many of your buddies hurt and even die in the call of duty.
After about 15 minutes paddling with Jeff, I noticed a bunch of splashing in the water ahead of me. I told Jeff that I needed to go investigate and make sure all was OK. Normally on my ordinary kayaking adventure when I see someone splashing in the water, someone has capsized their kayak and was trying desperately to get out of the water. Not this time, these guys were jumping out of the kayak and challenging each other to grab a hand full of sand from the bottom of the creek! To be honest, it was more a hand of muck instead of sand. Who cares, I didn’t have to worry; these guys were having fun and knew how to get in and out of their boats without any help from me. I guess it is all about prospective, what other may seem to be a bad situation, is not so bad after you have had bullets flying at you.
All too quickly my time with these fantastic guys was over. Soon we were back at the river launch site, all my kayaks were loaded onto the trailer by the solders I was there to serve. I am glad that I had this chance to take these solders on a fun day of kayaking in the wilderness of Town Creek. I am glad that I could give them a fun and relaxing time, lazily kayaking in the sun and warmth of the North Carolina sun. I hope that they will have some fond memories of this day that will help them remember the simpler things in life when the stress of being a warrior comes charging back at them.
(This blog started off talking about stress and how I have learned that kayaking helped me find a release for it. But as I began writing, I realized there was more to this story and how I learned to deal with daily stress.)
I don’t know about you, but stress is something that has always been too common in my life. For a long time, I would not admit just how much it affected me. I would deny it if my friends asked me about it, saying that it was no greater than normal. Yet, if you asked my wife and kids, they knew the real truth. From time to time the stress would build to the point where I felt like I was going to actually explode. For my whole adult life, I have worked in the printing industry, working my way up in responsibility as the years passed. I learned to deal with unrealistic delivery date, customers who knew my job better than I did (just ask them and they would tell you so), unreal expectation from upper management and all kinds of employee issues. The stress of all the deadlines and expectation upon expectation in the printing industry are huge. Just deliver a graduation program with a misspelled word or a page out of order. It is always the printer’s fault, no matter what the external customer dynamics were. Then add to this, the stress of raising teenage kids at home.
Stress was all around me! Why, because I felt like I had to be in complete control of the chaos. So in one since, my stress levels are self induced. Self induced stress all because I want to be in CONTROL! So how do I deal with this stress and my control issues? I would tell my boss that I needed a mental health day and take off kayaking. What a stress release kayaking became for me. It was a way for me to get away from it all and talk to God about what was going on. I found that talking to God and kayaking was reducing my stress levels and allowing me to find some needed relaxation. Kayaking itself is amazing stress reducer. Somehow the smooth strokes used to propel myself through the water helped to create a sense of calmness and a feeling of peacefulness. It allowed me to refocus on what was important to me.
On these kayaking trips I would ask God for the strength to get me to get through these stressful times. My prayers were honest and from my heart. I was seeking Him for strength and I know that he listened to me each time. Somehow I found the strength to get through, but I was still worn out, spent at the end of each day, not having anything to give to those most important to me.
It was not until very recently that I discovered that I was praying of the wrong thing. Yes, I said praying for the wrong thing. I realized that I was asking for the strength to control and deal with these unrealistic demands. I soon realized that this is not what God actually wanted to give me and not what I really needed.
You see, I failed to understand that I really needed to allow God to be in control and for him to provide for me. This has become clear to me since I was laid off from my job 8 months ago. When this happened, I was completely stunned. I had so many questions running through my head that has to be answered. Questions like how could this happen, the university needed me; I was the “Print Guru on Campus”. No one know more about the printing processes on campus than me, how could they do this to me? How would I provide for my family, how would I make enough money to make our house payments? What would happen when I lost medical insurance? The stress that I was facing at work was now gone, but those stresses were replaced by other worries that created stress.
The morning I found out I was begin laid off, God reminded me of a verse in Proverbs. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight”, Proverbs 3:4&5. I was in turmoil and stress was all around me. What would I do now? Fortunately, I was reminded of this promise about a month later on one of my mental health kayaking trips.
I began to ask myself what would happen if I really trusted God and did not lean on my own understanding. Would He really do what he promised? Could I really trust Him? Heck I thought that I was good at control things around me. Then I thought that if I had actually been in control, I would not have been laid off. What a thought that was. As I struggled with these questions and talked to God about them, he began to show how he had been providing all along. Wow, and I thought it was my hard work and a little bit of God, giving me strength. Don’t get me wrong, I believe God wants me to work hard at what I am doing. The difference here is who was in control, God or me.
I began to trust in what God wanted to do and in him for my provision. As is began to trust, I discovered something really great. Peace. In a time where I should have been stressed even more, I found a crazy peace. This peace came when I realized that I did not have the strength to “control” what I was facing and that I had no other choice but to “Trust in the LORD with all my heart”.
What a stress release this has been for me. To realize that I don’t have to be in control, even when Diane and I were lead to start Mahanaim Adventures (and doing so using only what God provided us). It has been so cool and wonderful to watch and wait in expectation before God, to see what he is doing next. It has also been reassuring to see God keep his promise that he wants to provide if I just let him. Yes I have to admit there are still moments when I start stressing out. I am still learning just how to truly let go. But I am reminded each day that all I have to do is turn over my weak attempts of control, over to the One who made me and the world around me.
Am I there yet, by no means? Do I forget and try to take over control once again, yes. Am I still learning to let go and trust, yes. I can also say that I have begun to really enjoy the life I have been made for, now that I am learning to relinquish control; relinquishing control to the Creator of the whole world.
You may be wondering what he is up to now from the title of this blog posting. Well last fall as we were beginning to lay the foundation for Mahanaim Adventures, I had heard about people taking a sunset, moonlight kayaking trips. I had never done this before, so I figured what the heck, it sounds like fun and I want to try that. So one evening I tossed my kayak up on top of my suburban and headed over to Town Creek.
After about a 20 minute drive from my house, I found myself standing at the river launch, watching some fishermen pull their boat onto their trailer. I could only imagine what they were thinking when I carried my kayak to the water and started gathering my gear to head out. By the looks on their faces, I think that they thought I must have a screw loose. That didn’t matter; I knew what I was doing, and what could be wrong with kayaking with a full moon over your shoulder anyway? Sounds romantic I guess. Even if it does sound romantic, I could not talk Diane (my Bride of 28 years) in joining me. However, my goal for this evening was to paddle the 3 miles to a campground on Town Creek and pull out for a little while and wait for the moon to rise. Once the moon was up, I was going get back on the water and find my way back up stream to the launch site by the light of the full moon.
Once out of the Town Creek, the evening was quite nice. The wind had died down and was not blowing as hard as it was earlier that day. The sun was going down behind the large cypress and black gum trees that lined the banks of the creek, casting long shadows on the water. I quickly discovered that I was the only person on the creek that evening, go figure. Yet I was not quite alone. If you have spent any time out in the wilderness, you know that just before dusk the forest comes alive with all kinds of sights and sounds. I discovered it was no different kayaking on a creek.
As I was paddling downstream, I followed a group of three Great Blue Herons. These birds are tall wading birds that can stand as high as 4 feet tall. These 3 birds would take off as I got close to them and fly about 150 to 200 yards down the creek and then land. Once I got back up to them, they would do the same thing once again. This went on for about a mile. These birds are big and surprisingly graceful in flight. I also saw a number of wild ducks and king fisher’s along with a few other egrets on this evening. It is amazing how close some of these birds will let you get to them if you just be still and let the current move you along.
After about an hour of paddling, I was at the campsite and pulled off the creek for a short break. By this time the sun had fully gone down and the forest was really coming alive. I sat on a concrete block that I found next to the landing and pulled out my water bottle and a snack that I had brought along. The evening was cooling off nicely and the mosquitoes were coming out in full force. Just my luck, I had forgotten to put my insect repellent in the dry bag before I left. Darn, I guess I would have to swat some mosquitoes for a while, not the first time I have had to do this.
As I waited on the moon to raise high enough over the creek, I began to hear the sound of an owl. It was not too far off from me by the sound of it. I have always enjoyed listening to the sound of owls at night. The seemingly lonely sounds, echoing through the forest is quite soothing to me. I remember one family camping trip as a kid, my brother Chris and I were asleep in our tent when a screech owl started do what they do best, screeching! It scared my brother and I half to death, it was not funny then, but it is now.
Soon I began to hear a second owl some distance off calling back to the one close by me. It was really cool just to sit back and listen to them calling back and forth. I could only wonder what they were saying to each other.
Soon the moon was up and it was time to head back to the launch site. I have to be a bit honest here, at first it was a bit weird kayaking on the water at night by myself. But I knew where I was at and all the binds in the creek, so I was ok. Besides, there were some lights off in the distance marking the spot where a few cabins were located along this part of the creek. Once I was past those lights, the darkness began to creep in all around me. Yet, I had the moon to light up the way.
I was very surprised how bright it is on the creek when the moon is full and high enough to light the creek. It was bright enough for me to paddle without my head lamp or the bow light that I had on the front of my kayak. What is really interesting was the bats that were flying above the river this evening. There were literally hundreds of bats this evening flying around dining on all the bugs that were flying around. Maybe the bugs were attracted to the lights that I had on the kayak, or maybe it was the open space. No matter the reason, it was cool and some bats were flying really close. Glad they have great navigational skills and could sense that I was there in my boat.
The only thing that scared me this evening was when fish started jumping around me. Consider paddling quietly up the creek, watching all the bats fly by and all of a sudden, you here a unexpected big splash next to you. Then there would be another. As it turns out, it was the fish in the river feeding on the bugs that were landing on the water around me. I got splashed once by a rather large fish. I could not help think that I should have brought a net or at least a fishing pole with me.
It was about 9:00 pm when I made it back to my launch site where I had put in several hours earlier. The moon was high in the sky and the evening had cooled off nicely. This moonlight kayaking trip confirmed my thoughts that this would be a fun trip to offer our customers and would be very enjoyable. It would also be adventurous.
If you are reading this blog and want to find out more about how you can schedule a moonlight kayaking adventure for yourself, let me know. I have several locations that you could enjoy a nice kayaking trip by the moonlight.
Ah, what comes to your mind when you hear about someone going backpacking? I am not sure about you, but I think about experiencing God’s created world and all its natural beauty and wonder. My most recent adventure with my son, Lawrence Lee and his son Joe was no different.
Our adventure began early on December 20th as I was driving to pick up Lawrence and Joe. It was a cold frosty morning here in Wilmington and the weather forecast for the next three days was going to be “Cold”! It was not the first time I have been backpacking in cold weather like this, but this was going to be the first time for the other three on this trip. I could not help but wonder if Lawrence and his son followed the instruction I had given them about how to pack for a cold weather backpacking trip. I made sure my Joseph had packed everything he many need, without bringing too much.
The challenge with cold weather backpacking is that if you pack to little, the cold will hurt you and place you at greater risk of getting hypothermia. On the other end of the spectrum, it is carrying too much extra clothing and supplies. This mistake will keep you warmer, but carrying all the extra weigh will make the hike very unpleasant. There is nothing like being too cold or carrying about 30 pounds more than needed and I wanted to avoid both.
Anyway, after our 3 hour drive to the Uwharrie Forest, Woodrun Trial Head just to the west of Troy, NC, we were ready to begin our three day adventures. The sky was clear and we had a cold wind blowing steady from the NW, so we were anxious about getting on the trail to get warmed up. After about a mile of hiking, we pulled over at a nice stream crossing to adjust our packs and for a quick drink of water. After about 10 minutes of adjustments and arranging items in our packs, we were back on the trail hiking. We hiked another mile and half and found a nice large flat area overlooking a forest service road below. This spot was perfect for lunch.
Lawrence and Joe as they eat lunch on the Uwharree Trail
It is amazing how good a simple trail lunch can be when you are in the outdoors. Some granola, gorp, cheese, some crackers and summer sausage make a great filling meal. I really enjoy backpacking in the winter months because you can carry some food items that will not spoil. Summer sausage is one of them. In the colder month, you can enjoy items like this without fear of spoilage. Anyway, we enjoyed about 40 minutes of rest and conversation before we got our packs back on to head out. I was quickly reminded how your muscles can tighten up over a short lunch break.
Now began the real work with our first real climb of the day. The Uwharrie Mountains are more like foothills when compared to the Appalachian Mountains further to the west. But to flat land folk like the four of us, these mountains might as well been the real thing. What made this even more interesting was the trail was covered with a large amount of fallen wet leaves. These wet leaves make the trail somewhat slippery if you were not careful. It was a good thing that there was no ice on the trail, which would have been even more fun. We did see a few places that had some remaining snow from the storm the week before.
I wanted to get to camp quickly this day since this was the shortest day of the year. I was expecting it to get dark quickly after the sun went down. Usually in the winter months when the sun goes down, the temps drop quickly and I expected tonight to be no different. So I wanted to get to camp with enough time to get set up and gather firewood. A fire tonight would be greatly appreciated. So my main focus this afternoon was to keep everybody moving and not wasting too much time. I have experienced getting into camp late on cold afternoons like. It is not much fun rushing to get everything set up, gather firewood, get the fire going and starting dinner. So I wanted to give us as much time as possible to enjoy the evening.
The four of us made it to the first Dutchman Creek campground around 4:10 pm after a 7 mile hike. Lawrence had fun when he took off his pack in camp, showing us his moon walk. Granted, he is no Michael Jackson, but it was funny, well at least it was to me. We quickly set up our tents, stored our gear and started gathering firewood. It is amazing how much a good fire can warm a person. Not only did our fire provide some much needed warmth, but also some great light to finish up cooking our meals that evening.
Our camps site for the night, it is amazing how warm a fire can be.
Today was not only the shorted day of the year, but we also found out that there was to be a full lunar eclipse very early the next morning. It was a first for me to be camping on a lunar eclipse and I was hoping that I would be able to see this wonder. The night was clear and cold. Soon after the sun went down, the “Frost Moon” as the December full moon is called, was up. Wow, it is simply amazing to see how bright the moon can be on a clear night like this. We were able to walk around camp that evening, hang our bear bag and anything else we needed to do without the use of our head lamps. If you have never been in the outdoors on a night like this, you will never be able to appreciate how bright it was.
The moon was so bright it was had from me to go to sleep this evening. Usually I don’t have a hard time falling asleep, but I did this night. I laid there in the tent for what seemed like an eternity listening to the silence of this night. The only thing that I could hear was the soft sounds of the creek that we camped next too. No owls to sing me to sleep tonight, not even the rustling of the leaves by the wind. Sometime later I must have fallen asleep, because I remember waking up in the middle of the night, thinking the lunar eclipse was in full swing. The brightness of the night had faded as if the moon were not out. So I was sure that the eclipse was in full swing, but it was in full swing elsewhere, because here it was behind a thick blanket of cloud cover. Darn!
The next morning came quick enough. It had warmed up a few degrees because of the clouds, but it was still cold. So it was to my best interest to get up and get moving quickly. As we got moving around fixing breakfast, I began hearing and feeling something hitting me and the ground. It was sleet! Nothing new, I have had this happen before, but this was a first for Lawrence and Joe. The sleet lasted for about 10 minutes and then passed by. We didn’t get much, but it was cool to see Joe’s expression on his face as we were preparing breakfast.
This morning we had a decision to make. The day before, my son slipped on some slick leave and fell directly on his knee. He was not hurt bad, but this morning he was very sore and stiff and could hardly walk. The section of trail that we were to take this day was more rugged than we covered the day before, making this a concern for me. So after a group meeting we decided to backtrack to Big Island Creek campsite we hiked past the day before. We could day hike out of here while Joseph remained behind in camp. So that is what we did. Remember, when out in the wilderness, you have to be flexible and adjust your plans according to the circumstances that you have at the moment. When you fail to do this, problems will arise.
Joe and Lawrence standing at the trail crossing.
So, slowly off we went making it to our new camp 2.5 miles away in just over 90 minutes. Slower that I would have liked, but the time traveled was good since we had a bum knee in the group. We quickly set up camp and off Lawrence, Joe and I went day hiking. It is amazing how much more ground you can cover when you are not lugging a 40 pound pack on your back. After about 3 hours of day hiking, we made it back to camp to find my son, stretched out on his camp map taking a nap! Teenagers!
After gathering firewood and pumping water for the evening meal, we got a fire going once again. Joseph’s knee was still stiff, but he had no problem building a nice fire with Joe. Once again we were in business with a warm glowing fire to gather around for fellowship and some dinner. There is something about sitting around a fire in the great outdoors. Something peaceful and relaxing; something that allows your mind to wonder and settle down; to simply enjoy the moment before you. Now add to the mix a few toasted marshmallows, some graham crackers and a Hersey chocolate bar (hum, I wonder what that makes). These moments simply become magical.
The next morning, Joseph was up early and ready to go. It was funny watching him give the countdown to the time we were to be on the trail. It was almost like watching a rocket lift off at Cape Canaveral. Anyway, the morning was still cold and cloudy with a chance of partly cloudy day ahead. We had an easy 4.5 miles to hike out this morning, so we know we would be on the road home before noon. I think Joseph and Joe were more interested in getting to a Subway to get “Real” food for lunch.
All in all Lawrence and Joe’s first backpacking adventure was a huge success. I have always enjoyed spending time with my son on adventures like this and with good friends. I felt that I had accomplished my mission; it seemed as if Lawrence and his son had a wonderful time. Joe even said that he would do this again. That is good news. It was also good to hear that my son had a good time despite his knee problem and his first desire to stay at home and sleep the Christmas holidays away.
If you are up for creating a memory and an adventure for you and your son or daughter, let me know. It would be a privilege to help you create such a memory for you!
How do I begin to describe my most recent multi day adventure on the Suwannee River in North Florida? As a teenager in growing up in Boy Scout Troop 99 (Brandon, FL), our annual Suwannee River canoe trips were legendary. The last day of school for the year was traditionally a half day event, so the moment we got out of school, out scout troop headed out to High Springs, Florida for our annual 5 day canoe trip. We would cover at least 50 miles in order to earn the coveted BSA 50 Miler Award. Most of the times, we would paddle about 70 miles on the Santa Fe & Suwannee River’s. What fun, what adventures we had. I remember Danny Williams putting the largest dead cottonmouth water moccasin I had ever seen by his father gear. Wow, I will never forget how mad Mr. Williams was about that. We all thought it was funny, but dared not to laugh at Danny, because we all had a part in that one.
So, as I leave my home in Wilmington, NC, headed to White Springs. FL, I could not help but recall all of the fun times I had as a kid. I guess it was on trips like those I took as a kid, that helped cultivate my love for the outdoors and my passion for adventure. I hoped that this trip would be just as memorable as that of my youth, but from a grown man’s prospective.
After a day full of traveling nightmares, I made it to where Jim Sowell was camping at. Jim was to be my kayaking partner for this adventure. Jim and I have shared many backpacking adventures together when I lived in the Atlanta, but this was our first kayaking adventure together. So I felt confident that we could handle anything that we came up against. It was also good to catch up with each other. It had been over 10 years since our last backpacking trip. We have both changed (both of us have more gray hair that I would like to admit), our families have grown or almost grown and now we were both looking more changes in the future. We sat by the fire in camp that first night remembering all the fun we and our families together camping all over North Georgia.
The next morning begin early enough with us shuttling my suburban to Suwannee River State Park. If all went well, we would be taking out there on the third day, some 45 miles downriver. After getting back to our launch site, we fetched our kayaks and gear out of the woods (we stashed them there while we were moving the vehicles). Now then began the task of packing our kayaks with three days worth of gear and food. We did not know what quite to expect, but I had more gear than I really needed, but I would rather be safe. And heck, the kayak was carrying all this gear, not me. After about 30 minutes of packing and repacking, we were set to hit this water. After a quick picture to commemorate the moment, we pushed off the sandbar, pointed out boats downstream and with one stroke of our paddles; we were on our grand adventures.
How beautiful a day it was this early November morning on the Suwannee River. The river was low due to the continuing drought in South Georgia and North Florida. We spent the first few miles pushing or pulling our kayak across shallow sandbars. This was beginning to become annoying, getting out of the boat to pull it across a 5 to 10 foot section to shallow to paddle across, and then getting back in the boat only to do it again several minutes later. It seemed that we were in the shallowest part of the Suwannee River, at every turn the deep channels would just give out and spread out to be only inches deep. Yet, despite the work getting over the sandbars, there was something very relaxing and peaceful about being in the wilderness. The warm sun, the warm water and the birds chirping and singing made our effort seem like no problem at all.
Jim at our stopping point on the first day.
After about two hours of constant paddling and pulling, we found a nice spot for lunch. The river had started to get somewhat deeper here, but narrower also. Jetting out into the river was a bunch of sharp and large boulders. Jim and I talked about what kind of rocks they were, because of their unusual straight and sharp edges. To be honest, the rock looked similar to flint rock that Indians use to make arrow heads. Anyway, if the water would have been high, this section of the river would have been fun to paddle due to the rough water caused by these boulders. Anyway, it was a great place for lunch.
After our trail lunch, we were back on the river enjoying the deeper water of the river. Here in North Florida, the Suwannee River has two unusual features, not typical to most of Florida. First is the large number of limestone bluff along the river. The river seems to have cut its way through a large amount of limestone in places. Some of these bluffs are as high as 40 feet about the river. The trees that grow along these bluffs have root structures that can be seen in the crack and crevices of these bluffs. Many of these trees would lean way over the river creating a canopy of shade to kayak under. Along these bluffs, the river usually very deep, allowing for many of these trees to have a rope swing in them. I could only wonder how much fun was had swinging or jumping from these trees into a deep pool of water on hot summer days.
The other feature of this section of the river was the numerous sandbars. There was no shortage of camping spots on the river. The sandbars would rise out of the water and where as powdery white as powdered sugar. Later that day we would find a great sandbar to camp on for our first night on the river.
One of the many sandbars along the Suwannee River
Later on that afternoon, we came upon two kayaks and a canoe, paddling down the river. These folks were from Dahlonega, GA, a place that Jim and I were quite familiar with. The interesting thing is the amount of equipment they had with them and how small the two kayaks were. I felt we had to much gear, but we were going ultra light compared to the group. They had two ocean type, sit on top kayaks loaded down with more gear than they could carry. The canoe looked like it was carrying the kitchen sink plus some dining room furniture. By the looks of the gear they had, we thought they were headed all the way to the Gulf of Mexico. But they weren’t as we found out when we passed by. I bet they had fun pulling across all these sandbars we crossed earlier that morning.
After about 11 miles of paddling, we decided it was time to pull off and camp for the night. We found the perfect sandbar overlooking the river. What made this place even cooler was just up on the ridge above the river was the Florida Trail. The Florida Trails is Florida’s own version of the Appalachian Trail. Anyway, Jim and I set up camp on this nice sandbar and began looking for fire wood for our evening campfire. As evening fell, we sat on the beach cooking our dinners, reflecting on the day’s events and the fun we had, all the while watching the peaceful river flowing by. The sun was setting to our west and all the night creatures beginning to stir. Soon we were hearing owls in the woods calling each other. What a wonderful sound to hear the hooting of owls at night.
As the evening was falling quickly, Jim decided it was time to build our fire. So, I began breaking up the sticks and other pieces of wood that we gathered earlier for the fire. Jim went to his tent and came back with a flint and steal kit. Jim was determined to start our fire the old fashion way. After a few minutes of me watching and giving him a hard time about it, he got the fire going. Then I promptly squelched the fire with too much wood. So Jim went back at it once again and quickly got the fire going again. This time I was a bit more careful with the amount of wood I placed on the fire. What a nice evening. We watched our fire while sitting on this beautiful white sand beach; listening to the owls in the back ground and sharing stories of adventures from our past. I even believe there were a few stories that included another hiking buddy, Don Hamlin. Don was suppose to come, but had recently changed jobs and could not get off. I told him he should quite any way and come with us.
Jim started this fire the old fashion way with flint and steal
The next morning came early. We were up at the crack of dawn gathering our gear and eating some breakfast, soaking in one last moment at this beautiful camp site. We got on the river at 8:30 am, knowing that we had about 18 miles to paddle that day to our next camp site, so we got an early start. As we got going, we were pleasantly surprise with how warm the day was becoming. At times it became almost downright hot. The river was not any wider than the day before, but it was much deeper and we were able to spot the deeper water and stayed out of the shallow water for most of the day.
Today was the day for spotting wildlife along the river. About an hour into the trip this morning, we saw three does standing on the left side of the river bank, trying to decide if they wanted to cross the river. Jim and I just floated for a few minutes and watched them. When we got close to them, they turned and ran back into the woods on the left. A bit later we saw about a 4 foot alligator sitting on the limestone rock outcropping along the river back. The gator just sat there watching us, almost like we were nothing to him. After lunch, we saw three nice size bucks trying to cross the river. Two of them were standing in the river when we rounded the bend. The lead buck kept walking across the river to the other side, while the second one could not decide what to do. Eventually the second buck went back to the shore where he came from and joined a larger 8 point buck. The two of them were quickly gone. Later this evening after dinner, Jim and I were walking on the Florida Trail and came up on about a dozen wild turkey about 15 feet from us. This is the first time I have ever gotten this close to these beautiful birds in the wild. Normally when I see turkey, it is a quick glimpse as they are running the other direction.
This day was full of other adventures than just seeing lots of wildlife. We stopped at Suwannee Spring State Park for a quick look at the old sulfur springs and bath house. This area was apparently a happening place in the late 1800 and early 1900. The natural sulfur springs were a draw for tourist for the healings power of the water. At one time there were three large hotels and a nice size bath house that dammed up the water into a big tub like structure, creating an open bath house. The sign at the springs said that the waters were believed to have healing qualities that could cure illness from “Gout to many marital issues”. So Jim and deicide to take a large sip of water just to see!
You could smell the sulfur spring flowing out to this old structure.
About a mile down river we stopped for lunch at the Suwannee River Canoe Outfitters launch. We got out and explored the area. The outfitter was closed so we took the liberty to fill up our water bottles and eat lunch on their beach. But there was one employee of the outfitters that showed up and joined us for lunch. One of the outfitters cats came down to make sure we were behaving ourselves. This was the friendliest cat I have even seen. He would not leave Jim or I alone. We gave him a few scraps of our lunch and that seemed to make him happy for the moment.
After about 40 minute stop, we got back on the river for the last 7 miles of our trip for the day. We had covered 11 miles that morning before lunch without paddling that hard. The last 7 miles were quite and uneventful. We made it to camp at 3:30 that afternoon. 7 hours of kayaking covering 18 miles including several stops, not bad. But I believe my back side was starting to form to the kayak seat in my boat.
Our camp this night was Holton Creek River Camp and what a camp it was. Holton Creek is one of five paddle-in river camps designed for kayak and canoe camping. These campsites are managed by the state park system and are very well kept and from what I hear, very popular. At Holton Creek there were 6 screened in shelters for uses. The shelters included a nice fire ring and a picnic table. There were also nice bathrooms with showers and a large cover shelter for eating and cooking. There was even running water and electricity if it were ever needed. WOW! This place was nice.
Our camping site for the second night on the river.
Good thing that we stayed that night in the shelter, because sometime in the middle of the night, it began to rain and rain hard. A night like this makes a camper glad to have a solid roof over their heads. The next morning when we got up, it had stopped raining, but looked like it could start again at any time. Jim and I considered our options and decided it was best to get an early start and try to get as far as possible before the rain came back. So after a quick breakfast we were back on the river paddling our way to our take out point.
After about an hour of paddling we came upon a nice spring and camping spot on the right side of the river. We decided to pull over and to take a look in case we were ever in the area and needed another place to camp. The spring was very good and a large water source of good water. The campsite was large and open, under a broad hammock of old growth live oak trees. We filled up our water bottles and started to head back to the kayaks. Jim was ahead of me as we walked back to the boats and that is when the fun began. You see, on every one of our previous adventures, something has happened to give everyone a grand laugh, usually at someone expense, most of the time it was at my expense. We had made it back to the boat and were storing our gear and before I knew it, I hear a whole bunch of noise and things crashing. I turned around to see Jim doing his best to keep his balance and not fall out of the kayak before he even got into it. Well, that didn’t work, after a second or two of attempting to keep his balance, in he went the river with a huge splash! I have to admit, it was one of the funniest things I have even seen. I just wish I had a video camera to capture this event; I could have not the grand prize on American Funniest Videos.
After Jim got up and got somewhat dried off, we were back on the river. I have to admit, I chuckled for quite a while after that. Deep down, I figured it would have been me doing something like this. Anyway after about another hour of paddling, the rain came back. And did it come back. I mean it poured on us. Kayaking in the rain can be fun if you have never tried it. The only bad thing was that this rain was cold. The only good thing is that we heard no lightning, so we just put on our rain jackets and kept on kayaking. It must have rained for 45 minutes before it let up to a slow drizzle. Each of us had water in our boat, but we just kept on going. I think by this time we both wanted to get to the landing and get off the river. We had been looking at the weather radar that morning on my cell phone and knew that A LOT of heavy rain was headed in our direction.
Finally after four and a half hours on the water, we had made it the last 10 miles to Suwannee River State Park, our take out point. Both of us were soaked to the bone and glad to see the take out beach. Our original plan was too spent the night at the park and the head home the next morning, but we decided to both head home that afternoon. After a short drive to get Jim’s car, we changed into some dry cloths and said our good by’s. This trip was a great reunion and adventure for the two of us. It was also confirmed my suspicions that this would be a great place to take people kayaking. Jim and I talk on this trip that this would be a great place to bring our wives on a couple day kayaking trip. It had showers for them to get a bath each night. Don’t get me wrong, both of our brides are great campers and enjoy a camping, but if we can offer them a camping place like Holton Creek each night and a shower; I know that they would join the fun.
I am planning on taking the trip in the middle of February 2011. If you are interested in joining in the fun, contact me as soon as possible.
Last Saturday, my son and I had the opportunity to kayak on the NE Cape Fear River from Chinquapin, NC to Wayne’s Landing off NC Hwy 41. Duane Kelly, a good friend from Scouting, took Joseph and I on this section of the river since we had never paddled it before. Duane and his son have been down this stretch of river before with their own Boy Scout Troop, so it was enjoyable to sit back and follow someone else for a change.
Our adventure began that morning around 9:00 am when we met Duane at the McDonalds in Burgaw, NC. We got back on the road and headed north on I-40 to the exit at 385 mile marker. In just few minutes we were standing at a very nice wildlife boat ramp on the river. At this ramp the river is only about 50 feet wide with a nice sandbar on the opposite side. Just to the left of the boat ramp was the bridge that we had just crossed. The river was moving fast and there was a somewhat of a strong northeast breeze blowing that morning. Fortunately, the breeze would blow at our backs for most of the day.
After a few minutes getting prepared and shuttling our vehicles to the take out spot, we were ready to start the day. It is amazing how life and your perspective can change when you get out on a river to paddle. It seems not matter where you go, or how many times you have been there, I am quickly taken away from the rat race of the world around me. For me it is a time to be quite and enjoy being with the people that I am with at that moment. It is also a time for me to enjoy the great outdoors that God created.
We started our adventures this morning not knowing what to expect. We had good reason for our apprehension, since about seven weeks before; the NE Cape Fear was above flood stage. Duane told me stories about the traveling nightmares he had trying to get around the flooded roads in the area in an effort to get to work. So we had no way of knowing how much the river would be littered with deadfall that would block our path to adventures. At the least this deadfall would provide ample opportunity for adventure and portage over and around many obstacles. So the prospects of getting wet that day were very good.
The first thing that I noticed was the number of sandbars along the river. If it had only been warmer weather! These sandbars would have provided a great opportunity to pull over to relax in the sun and have a little swim to cool off. As for the deadfall, there was plenty littering the river this morning. The good thing is that I only got stuck once and had to get out of my kayak one other time to portage both myself and Joseph over the logs. Not bad.
About halfway thought the trip, we heard some big splashing up ahead of us. As we got closer, we noticed a nice size buck trying his best to cross the river before we got to him. What a site to witness. Of all the time I have spent kayaking, I have only seen a site like this two other times. Anyway, once the buck got to the opposite side, he didn’t wait around for us to get any closer. On this day, we also got a chance to watch several King Fisher’s flying along the river, making a fuss as we passed by. These birds are common along the river and creeks of the Cape Fear River basin. These birds have a distinct sound that they make, so you can hear them most times before you ever see them.
There is very little development along this stretch of NE Cape Fear River, making it quite nice to take in the natural beauty of this area. However, this area seems popular with local fisher men because we saw many of them along the river this day. This also tells me that the river is great for fishing. Maybe one day I need to just float down the river and fish. What a way to spend the day. Anyway back to the trip.
The other thing I noticed were the numerous bluff’s along the river’s edge. There were many bluffs that rise about the river providing great camping location, as well as vantage points to climb up to just sit and watch the river flow by. There were even a few of the bluffs that had nice rope swings that could be enjoyed in warmer weather. I could only image a lazy summer afternoon, swimming down at the “ole swimming hole” and all the stories that go along.
All in all this was a nice 4 hour kayaking trip. This time included our 30 minute stop on a sandbar for lunch. The only thing that I saw about the river was the amount of floating beer/soft drink cans and bottles along with other trash. My guess is that most of this was due to the recent flooding and had not been cleaned up yet. Note to self; carry some trash bags next time to help in the effort to clean the river up.
Check out the following embedded link to view the video of our adventures:
For a long time now I have wanted to explore the Three Sisters area of the Black River here in North Carolina. Not sure why, maybe it is because of the remoteness of this part of the Black River, maybe because of the old growth bald cypress trees that grow along the banks and in the large coves; or the number of people that I have talked with that could not find the path through either side of The Narrows. Maybe it was just because it was there and I needed to explore something that I have heard some much about.
This section of the Black River lies between Beattys Bridge Landing and the NC Hwy 53 Bridge in Bladen County. For the most part this river flows south, but meanders back and forth with many twists and bends, with some of them bending back on themselves in a horseshoe fashion. There are some lone houses along the upper and lower parts of the trip, but for the most part, you are there along floating down this beautiful river.
James MacLaren, my kayaking buddy, and I started our day off at Henry’s Landing where the river is about 200 feet wide. The fall weather this morning could not have been more perfect; with our starting out temperatures in the lower 60’s and the sky was a perfect Carolina Blue. As for the fall leaf color, well we were late and missed the peak. Most of the trees have lost their leave, but those that still had them, wow! The water was on the cool side, due to the recent cold weather that has come to this part of North Carolina. So, in short, we could not have designed a better day to adventure into the unknown; unknown at least to James and I.
We started out heading south on the river with the warm sun on our left shoulders. The warmth of the sun felt good in the cool morning. The first thing we noticed was that the river was slow moving in this wider section of the river. A week earlier, James and I had lead a group on the 8 mile section north of where we were, where the flowing much faster. Yet the further we paddled, the river began to get faster as the river narrower. As the river narrowed the river began to take on a more intimate feeling with all the overhanging trees. With the narrower river, there come some additional problems that we had to be aware of. First was the river speed; the second was we had less space to maneuver around submerged trees and logs.
As we moved further away from our launch spot, the river became more and more beautiful. So much so, I was not paying too much attention to the submerged tree in front of me. Before I knew it, I was on top of a submerged tree, trying hard to work my way through the tangled mess I was in. Because I was not on the correct path through this tree, I quickly found myself sideways on another submerged log. For those of you who don’t know anything about kayaking, you don’t want to be in a position like this, if you do, you have a big chance of going swimming! Well, I didn’t go swimming, but I came close. However, I did have a bunch of COLD water inside my kayak.
James and I quickly found a good location to pull my kayak onto dry land to drain all that water. After I got this done, we decided to explore the first of the many coves on our trip today. WOW! This first cove was large and beautiful with large bald cypress trees and deadfall to paddle around. I found myself thinking about the potential this spot had for some great fishing.
We quickly got back on the river and headed in the right direction once again. We paddled for another hour with the river getting narrower and narrower as we went. We also started seeing more and more swamp. According to the “Paddling Eastern North Carolina” guidebook, there are several small channels to the right that flow through a broad cypress swamp. There is also a “distinct” channel to the left that is about “20” feet wide. This channel is only passable when the river level is up high. This “distinct” channel is called “The Narrows”. I guess because of the narrowness of the channel. I personally think it should be renamed to something called “The Workout” or something like that. The reason for this name change is when the water is not at the high mark (flood stage), you will have to “Pull” you kayak through. If you don’t want to pull your kayak, you have to work your way through the swamp. This day, I had my 14’ kayak and James had his 16’ kayak with us, so this was not an option.
Anyway, James and I missed this channel because we were looking for the river to take an abrupt left in a “distinct” watery channel. It never did, so we kept on trucking. All of a sudden, the river was only about 4 feet wide and headed into a deep foreboding swamp. James and I looked at each other, I am sure we were thinking the same thing, “how did we get here!” After about 10 minutes of maneuvering to turn around (It is hard work turning a 14’ kayak around in a channel of swift water that is about 4’to 6’ narrower than my kayak is long.) and we got out of there. Once back up stream, we stopped and tried to figure out what had gone wrong. While James was trying to figure out what the handheld GPS system was telling us, I paddled back up stream to see if by chance we missed out turn off. After about 10 minutes of hard paddling, I realized we had not, so I turned around once again.
As I was headed back to where I had left James, I was running through my mind what we were facing. I was bound in determined to find our way through this, because I was not going to paddle backup stream to where we put in. Then I remembered seeing on the left as we entered the swamp, what looked like a power line cut, but with no power lines. This had to be “The Narrows” that we were looking for. But where was the water? (The river was just at flood stage four weeks ago and there was plenty of water in the river) When I caught up with James, we discussed what I was thinking and we agreed this had to be the place. SO, I took off and began walking this muddy clear cut. I walked, sloshed, waded for about 10 minutes before I ran into deeper water and figured this was our river.
When I got back to the boats and told James what I had found, we decided this was good news and that it was time for lunch. I wanted some energy before I pulled my kayak about a third of a mile through who knows what. Once our lunch was over, we headed out. It was not too hard work pulling the kayaks because they slipped along fine on the grass and inch deep water in places. As we pulled and tugged, we found ourselves in the mist of some very old cypress trees. I mean some of these trees had bases of at least 15 feet across. As we stopped to rest and admire these trees, I was really feeling like Lewis and Clark and their Corps of Discovery. After about 15 minute of pulling, we got to the deeper water (5” to 6”) and could sit in our kayaks again and pole (using out paddles to push us through) our way thought the high grass and water.
The Narrows eventually began to open up once more into a normal channel about 10 feet wide and about 3 to 4 feet deep. We made it! And in one piece! And there was a grand reward just around the bend from our Narrows adventures. We came upon a large cove where we found the Three Sisters. The Three Sisters are 3 bald cypress trees that are dated to be over 1700 years old! There are many other large trees in the cove, but the researchers could not determine the ages because of them being hollow. We quickly realized that someone could spend hours here exploring the many side stream and smaller coves. This cove is also where the 3 swamp kayak trails come back into the Black River.
The remaining part of our day’s journey was uneventful. Don’t get me wrong, it was still beautiful, but after all the big trees in the cove we just left and our adventure in the Narrows, the reminder seemed just like just another kayak trip. I guess that is OK.
Now it is the day after our adventure and as I reflect back on yesterday, I am glad that we decided to explore this area. It is well worth the effort we put into this trip. The beauty of the river and cypress forest that God created was stunning and I can’t wait to head back to this part of the Black River again. Next time, I am taking my shorter kayak and explore the cypress swamp that we chose to bypass this time. I hope that I can take some of you on this same trip someday soon.
This blog topic was developed while on a recent kayaking trip where I had the pleasure of taking my wife and two of her closest friends kayaking. It was a joy to watch these ladies laugh and talk the whole time. It was a wonder we ever saw any wildlife. Sorry Ian that I didn’t mention you specifically in the blog, but I had fun talking to you also.
I have recently been giving some though to friendships and going through life alone even with people all around us. You may ask how can I be alone with so many people around me, my house is crazy and there are people all over the place. If you’re like me, there have been times where I craved an evening to myself without interruptions. But this is not what I am talking about here. I’m talking about having people around you and still not be known for who you truly are. I’m talking about having people around you and not having anyone who can be there for you when those life struggles confronts you. You may not admit it, but just like everyone else, you struggle with them.
To me this problem seems to boil down to three simple things. The first is time and the second is fear. Fear comes from being seen as someone wired or someone who really don’t have it all together. I have come to the conclusion that both time and fear are big parts in our loneliness. I wonder why we struggle with this; then I began to see a third really simple reason we are lonely. We don’t see our lives and our relationships as a gift. Yes, life and relationships are a gift. All too often we have seen our relationships as something for us to use to get what we want, not something that can be leveraged (my pastor uses this word and I like it) to change me and those around me for the better.
I recently had the opportunity to take three ladies on a kayaking trip that have been very good friends for some time. These friends had not seen each other since the wedding of one of the ladies last summer. As I watch them laugh and giggle with each other on this trip, I thought about how wonderful it is to be such good friends together once again. I also thought about how wonderful it was for these ladies to pick up right where they had left off their relationships. Their friendship has stood the time and distance.
What made these ladies strong enough to stand to time and distance? The most oblivious thing that comes to my mind is spending time together. But I think there is more to it than that. I remember when I worked at UNCW, I spent a lot of time with the people that I worked with, but that did not lead to the friendship that I saw in these ladies. I found myself wondering what it was that brought these ladies together. One of these ladies is a single missionary in Africa, the second has been married for only year and now lives in the DC area, while the third lady is older and has been married 27 years and has grown children. So you can see these ladies are all in different places of their lives.
I am not sure if they realize this, but deep down they see that this relationship is not their own. They see their relationship as a “gift” from God. They look at this relationship at what they can “give” to each other, not what they can “get” from each other. I have to admit that I know this to be true, because I am married to the third lady. To me, this is refreshing to see, especially in the world that we live in today.
As I look around, I am coming to realize that all too often most of us our relationships as what “I” can get from it. Will my buddies make me happy; will this new girl friend make me feel special; will being on this team help me get into college; will going to church make may family better; how will the new business relationship do for me; will my wife make me happy for all my life? The list is endless. All I am simply saying is that we tend to do this with all of our relationships, including these closest to us. The sad thing is the world seems to teach this mindset to us from a very early age.
I have to admit, I have fallen in this trap more than once in my marriage to Diane and with other relationship I have been given. I suspect that if you are honest with yourself, you would admit that you have done the same. I can’t help but wonder if each of us began to see our relationships as a gift; things would be different in our lives. I can safely say that in my most important relationship (with Diane), once I got to the point and realized that my happiness did not depend on what I could get from her, my prospective began to change. I found that I was able to truly begin to love her for who she is, not what I could get from her. Our relationship began to change when I began thinking of our marriage relationship as a gift and how I could be a blessing to her.
It is strange how my mind can wonder while out kayaking in the great outdoors. Maybe it is because of all the quiet and solitude found out in the wilderness kayaking and hiking. I suspect that in those quite times, God is transform me into who He created me to be. I for one will be a far better person when I see all my relationship for what they are, a wonderful gift meant for a higher purpose than mine.
